The Worst Mentality
The Worst Mentality Saved My Life
Growing up, I always thought my homeland was the entire world, and that nothing lay beyond the reefs. This is not a Moana reinvented, but rather the facts of my life as a child growing up on an island. I was never oblivious to the existence of other countries. I didn’t think of them as worth anything because I lived in paradise. I hail from the small island of Jamaica, known for its trees, sunshine, and water. Jamaica is a vibrant little country, not in wealth, but in culture, stunning landscapes, and deep historical roots. It boasts lush mountains, tropical rainforests, and beautiful beaches. The people are amazing.
That is exactly what the island is about, except during hurricane season, when the natural essence of beauty is overshadowed by panic and fear of the country being devastated by storms like Hurricane Gilbert on September 12, 1988. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a category 4 hurricane with winds reaching 130 mph. Gilbert brought destruction in its purest form: claiming 45 lives, destroying homes, and crops, and leaving many without light and water for months. It racked up billions of dollars in damages. At least, that is what my mother told me. I was only conceived. I was not born until January 1989. I would hear this story every hurricane season to always be ready for the worst things.
Having these words drilled into me at an early age was nothing short of torture. Of course, looking back as an adult, I understand the intention behind them—be ready, always be prepared; you never know when something bad will happen. My mother’s voice carried a tone of deep worry, a sense of urgency that echoed through my ears. It was as if her every word was a desperate plea, imploring me to brace myself for an unpredictable world A world that can do as much damage as any category 4 and above hurricanes. But as a child, my only concern was simply living my life and nothing more.
Every day before school, I was reminded so relentlessly that it pushed me to a breaking point, where I began to feel lost. My brain became wired to expect nothing but negativity, the worst things will happen. I call this mental problem “perfect insanity”, I felt trapped in a world where no one was truly around me. I needed help to escape the darkness of worst-case scenarios that consumed my thoughts. I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything bad would happen.
Should I share my thoughts with my mother about how these words are affecting me mentally? Yes, but then, she would think I’m being disrespectful, and she wouldn’t listen to me. I would be punished for talking. The best case here is not to say anything to her so I would avoid the negative repercussion attached. That is how I began to think. From an innocent mindset to the thought of the world is out to get me.
The truth is, I know my mother meant no harm. She was never a bad person. She’s just a byproduct of her circumstances. She never knew either of her parents – her father was always working, and her mother left her at an early age. She did not have parental love and care to know how to raise her two children. Especially me, her “wash belly” – that is the name given to the last child. Because of this, my mother learned to navigate life on her terms, forging an iron will be shaped by necessity rather than nurture. If the sky burst out tears from the clouds, the house was packed and ready for a flood. Her constant state of readiness was armor. Every storm cloud was heavier than the rain itself. Every breeze was a reminder of how deadly nature can be.
Years passed, and as an adult, I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder, convinced the world was waiting to strike me down. But in 2011, fresh out of college and stepping into my first role as a Systems Administrator, I realized something extraordinary: this fear had given me a superpower.
My instinct for worst-case scenarios made me exceptional at anticipating problems before they arose. While others reacted, I was proactive—predicting failures, implementing preventive measures, stress-testing infrastructures to ensure reliability. I was god-tier in computing because I never assumed things would run smoothly.
That same worst-case thinking extended into my personal life. Ten months ago, I was laid off, but my wife and I survived on our savings, carefully planned in anticipation of uncertainty. Later, when she landed a job in Pennsylvania, my mind immediately analyzed the risks of moving before our lease was up—the financial consequences, the logistical challenges. Sure enough, my wife’s new job required us to move back to Pennsylvania shortly after—but because I had planned for the possibility, we faced no disruptions. To my mother—thank you.
You may have drilled negativity into me, but in doing so, you gave me a gift—the ability to solve problems before they exist. Whether on the job or in my personal life, I am always prepared.
The worst mentality saved my life.
Photo credit: Siednji Leon from Unsplash